Extended 'Family'

I love how much these two love each other!

One of the results of having friends who feel more likely family is that their family ends up feeling a bit like your own as well.

Let me back up and explain. This weekend my plan for Saturday had been to head out to the Eastern Shore to visit Bug, Little Man and their parents, but then I realized they were heading my way on Sunday to visit their grandparents.

Such a ham!

So the original plan got scratched and we set a lunch date for this afternoon. We walked along and crunched some leaves, heard what Bug has been learning in school about plant life (hearing a five year old talk about chlorophyll is quite impressive), had a yummy pizza lunch, browsed in a toy store and made wishes in a huge fountain before heading to their grandparents house.

Little Man is getting big!

And then as we walked along it was totally natural that I went with them, and all of the sudden it was three hours later as I was saying my goodbyes to run some much needed errands and refusing the multiple offers to stay and join them for dinner.

I had other things I wanted to get done today - some cleaning and laundry and maybe even actually getting a head start on packing for the next trip, but hanging out with this family, who may not actually be mine, but doesn't hesitate one bit to make me feel like I'm part of theirs, well, that was a much much much better way to spend my day!

Branching Out

I've written a few times before about the challenge of making new friends in my (no longer all that) new city. And I've been thinking about that a lot lately.

I'm good in one on one situations, and have definitely made friends in the area - people who I get dinner with on occasion, or these days go for walk with, but most of those have been people I've met through work so it's not reaallly branching out.

I realized that when I get invited to do things beyond a one on one group my default answer is to say no. This isn't the case (usually) when it's a close friend doing the inviting. Usually in those circumstances I'll go, because I usually have at least met some of the other people involved. In fact, I've had several friends tell me that they never question including me with a group as I can adapt no matter who the audience is. Which is true when I stop and think about it.

But I guess I don't stop and think about it often since I'm busy turning down those invites.

Anyway, lately I've been doing the opposite. Going out with new groups of people even when my instincts tell me I should just stay home.

On Halloween I was invited to a gathering at a friend of a friend's in my neighborhood. A few people were getting together to hand out candy at one house and since I don't get trick or treaters on my street my friend thought I might want to come. She invites me to things all of the time and I pretty much always don't go, and I realized I needed to stop saying no.

So I went and had good conversation, saw cute kiddos in costumes, ate yummy food and all around had a fun evening.

Fast forward to tonight. A friend from work invited me to book club at her house. With all of the reading I do I've never actually been in a book club which is surprising. I was free tonight and I decided that I should go, even though I admit I was a bit unsure. And, while there were a few awkward moments here and there, overall it was a fun time and I ended up staying a lot longer that I expected. It's a newly forming book club - this was only the second meeting - and most of the girls already knew each other, but my friend only knew one other person and I only knew her but... by the end of the night we were all hugging goodbye and making plans for next time.

Yay for branching out!

Oh how time flies

Ten years ago this fall I spent a weekend in the mountains with 3 good friends.

We stayed in a cabin that was stocked with every board game you could imagine, had no tv and where the owners left a plate of warm brownies on the table and a fire roaring in the fireplace to greet us upon arrival. We explored the area, visiting a few small towns, going to a vineyard for a wine tasting, checking out the gorgeous views and enjoying each other's company.

Fast forward to last weekend. The same friends gathered, at my friend's (relatively) new house on the Eastern Shore for another fall weekend together. Only this time the group included four kids, ages 5, 3, 2 & 2 months.

The four of us have hung out since that weekend long ago, though much less frequently since two of us moved away 5 or so years ago. I see all of them individually fairly frequently, and in pairs on occasion, but this was the first time in a decade all four of us spent a weekend together. And though the dynamic was certainly different with the kiddos around (case in point, none of my friends would have ever woken me up at 5:48 in the morning with a "cockadoodle doo!" but a certain two year-old thinks that is hysterical!), at the same time, it wasn't really all that different.

We easily fell back into pace in conversation, and activities. We all stepped in and did what needed to be done with the kids, and as soon as they were asleep the cards came out and the laughing picked up. The four of us are pretty different, but as a group we really work well together, and it was nice to be reminded of that and have the opportunity just to hang out.

I've known for a long time that I'm pretty lucky to have such great friends, but this weekend made me appreciate them even more.

Never Stop Exploring

I love this new print I got and felt the need to share it with more than just the people who come to my apartment (which to be honest, isn't really all that many.)

It's from Uh Oh Pasghettio, a new graphic design company a friend of mine recently started. Her work is mostly geared towards "stylish kiddos" but some of the prints are quite grown up friendly as well. 

I spent an indecisive few hours on the site last week, trying to pick out things for the kiddos in my life, and some adults as well, and I can't wait to gift some cool custom art!

Karma

Last week I had lunch with Stimey. It was awesome. We had been planning it for about a month and when we first started discussing it I offered to come to her side of the beltway, as she had previously documented her displeasure at having to cross the Potomac.

Granted, her prior crossing the Potomac experience was for something much less fun than lunch with me, so I shouldn't have been teasing her. Especially since she did end up coming to my part of town for our lunch date. (Thanks again!!)

Now, while I cross the Potomac on a pretty regular basis, it is always heading east to the beach, or north to Baltimore. I rarely go west on the beltway and almost never continue on in that direction, into Maryland. In the 4+ years I've lived inside the beltway I've been to Montgomery County exactly once. Well, after yesterday, exactly twice.

Jen Lancaster was in town yesterday for a reading and signing to promote her new book, The Tao of Martha: My Year of LIVING; Or, Why I'm Never Getting All That Glitter Off of the Dog. I'm a big fan of Jen's books and I've gone to her signings when she's come through town each year that I've lived here. Usually they are at the B&N in downtown DC. This year, it was in Bethesda.

UGH.

Bethesda is not even 15 miles from my office, but it might as well be on the other side of the country for as much of a hassle as it was to get there and back.

I knew I was in for a slow trip, leaving work around 5 pm, but I was feeling optimistic. I headed north along the scenic GW Parkway, where I got to really take in the scenery, look at all the trees and all their branches and all their leaves. Really, look at them.

Because you have time for things like that when traffic comes to a complete and total standstill with five miles to go until you reach the beltway. I drifted along, (really, just drifted, no foot on the gas) pretty much from that point until I reach my destination, 54 minutes after starting my drive.

I arrived in Bethesda and attempted to find parking. Of course I missed every turn into the shopping center complex, which was one of those fake cityscape type places. An outdoor mall built to make you feel like you are just in an urban environment. With garages here and there, and apartments above the retail space. I made my way around the exterior, finally finding a garage I could pull into, parked my car and then took the elevator back up to street level. Where I discovered the drizzle had turned into a pretty steady rain. And that my parking spot was a solid 2 blocks from the B&N where the reading was.

Once I got inside, I was happy to be there.

Jen was highly entertaining as usual, answering questions, telling stories and reading from her book. She is so gracious when it comes to the signing, taking time to chat with each person, pose for photos and sign as many books as you'd like. Of course, that makes the line seem to last forever, but... it's still pretty cool.

Then, a little before 9 I headed out to leave. I needed dinner and while there were an abundance of restaurants in the faux downtown I was in nothing appealed to me and I had Chipotle on the brain. I googled and saw that one was located not too far away, so I headed that way.

Of course, I was in the wrong lane when I needed to turn. And then my gps kept telling me to make a U turn or turn left, but there were lots of signs telling me not to do that. I finally realized the signs where for certain times of day, made my U turn and got my dinner.

Next up, the drive home. I decided to go through the city, versus navigating my way back to the Beltway. Yet again being in the correct lane was a challenge. Not getting cut off by taxis was also a challenge. Buses drifting into my lane were a challenge. Rain was a challenge. Construction cones were a challenge. The whole dang drive home was a challenge. While I knew where I was the whole time, I was on pretty major roads, I still wasn't actually completely comfortable with my route until I was about 3 miles from home.

UGH.

In the end, I didn't really enjoy my trip to the other side of the Potomac.

Total and complete karmic retribution for teasing my pal Stimey.

Memories

Happy Birthday Dan. How I wish you were here for me to tell you that, but instead I'll just remember how happy this song made you and how much fun, fun, fun we had over the years.

My Early Morning with Abe

Back in January I posted a DC 'to do' list for the year.

This morning I had a very DC experience that wasn't on my list, but was a must do for one of my friends. She's moving back to Philly next weekend and one of the things on her bucket list was sunrise from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.

Now it's well established that I'm NOT a morning person, but, I am always willing to help a friend in need and, going hand in hand here, not willing to send a friend out to sit out on the National Mall in the middle of the night alone.

(Yes, sunrise is my equivalent of the middle of the night. Especially since the published sunrise time, the one they tell you on the news or when you look at the weather report is very, very misleading. You see, that's the time you actually see the sun break the horizon, but by that point it's already been light out for easily 30 minutes!)

I digress. So my friend really wanted to do this and I agreed to tag along on the early morning adventure. We did some research on weather, timing, parking and decided that today was our day.

This morning when we arrived at the Lincoln Memorial at 5:40 am it looked like this:

That's the moon over to the right. Sigh...

But, it didn't look like that for long, as we timed things just right. Soon the sky started to turn shades of pink and orange, slowly changing to blue, lighting up the sky.

Abe gets his first view of the sun, at 6:25 am

So pretty.

Of course now, at 7 pm I'm so struggling to keep my eyes open, but really, the early morning views, on a gorgeous spring day, in the company of a good friend was more than worth the missed sleep!

Happy Little Cherry Blossoms

I've previously documented my love of Redskins' Tight End Chris Cooley.

So you can imagine my excitement when I saw a post on Facebook last month that his art gallery would be hosting a painting class with Chris as the instructor!

Yes, you read that right. NFL player by day and gallery owner/artist by night, with pottery as his primary medium. He put the clay aside for this event and picked up the paint brush. 

The event was Friday night and my friend Sarah and I went and had SO. MUCH. FUN.  

The class was limited to 20 people and the price included all of the supplies needed for painting, snacks and wine. The goal - to recreate this painting that Chris knocked out that afternoon:

Um, yeah. 

Since paint your own pottery heavily assisted by the use of stencils and bedroom walls are the extent of my painting experience, I did not have high hopes of my finished product even remotely resembling the Tidal Basin in April. 

But, we settled in to give it a shot and surprisingly ended up with good results! 

First Chris demonstrated what to do, then we followed his instructions. 

Chris, painting some happy little clouds

Sarah, working on her own happy clouds

Sometimes it didn't quite go as he explained, like my gigantic, blob like clouds or the huge, yellow blob that was supposed to be a sunset effect.

Cloud blobs to the left, yellow blobs to the right.
Me with no clue how to fix them, standing front and center!

But the awesome thing about getting stuck? Was when that happened I got to say "Chris - can you come help me?" And he did!!

On the outside I was cool and calm. On the inside I was all ***SQUEEEEEEE***

And then, at one point when he was walking past and I was standing in the aisle he touched my back and said "excuse me babe". Swoooon. 

Surreal is really the best way to describe it. 

At times it was easy to forget that the person instructing at the front of the room was a football player I've cheered for on the field for years now, and enjoyed watching and listening to off the field on the local sports reports, weekly check ins on the radio and the hysterical YouTube videos he and others used to put together. 

And at times I could not believe I was standing there with Chris Cooley teaching me how to fix the yellow blob and make it actually look like a sunset. 

But I was. And thanks to Chris' instruction and assistance our finished products weren't so bad! 

My painting

Sarah's painting

The best part is, it would have been a really fun night even without the famous completely adorable football player leading the class. I got to hang out and laugh with one of my best friends, try something new and different and have a cool addition to my art collection as a result. 

Even better - it actually was with the famous and completely adorable football player leading the class! 

Little Bit of This, Little Bit of That

The first thing on the agenda yesterday was to go to the library in my friend's new town so she and Bug could get library cards. As an obsessive reader I have to say I have never been a more proud Aunt Stacy than seeing those two kiddos so excited to go to the library. Especially once they found a giant Curious George stuffed animal to cuddle with while their mom read to them.

                                                                 *****

Speaking of obsessive reading, I've been reading the book The Price of Politics for over two weeks now. It's Bob Woodward's look at the negotiations on the fiscal issues between Congress and the Obama Administration spanning the past 3 1/2 years. It's interesting for sure, but a slow read and I can't say I'm retaining much from it. Well, other than more cynicism over our very broken political system.


I've got about 180 pages to go and I want to finish it, but I'm just not sure I can. Maybe if I were more of an economics nerd, then it would be an easier read.

*****

I'm still obsessed with Fun., most specifically the song Some Nights. I have a new playlist on my iPod named Bandwagon and I listened to it on repeat all weekend.

*****

Yesterday, I went to a wine tasting, then at dinner I had an Orange Crush. Today I went to brunch with my former work bestie, former boss and current boss and we had a Mimosa Bucket. I honestly can't recall the last time I drank on back to back days. If I had to guess I would say it was a year and a half ago when I went to the work bestie's wedding and drank at the welcome reception the night before and at the wedding the following day.

I don't not drink, but I don't really drink either.

Obviously.

My boss was especially shocked to hear how I spent yesterday and that I was the one to suggest the Mimosa bucket today. Seriously shocked.

But, I think I may have earned some brownie points.

*****

They are calling for ice/sleet/freezing rain early in the morning. Not the best way to kick off the work week. In an effort to be prepared I just went outside to salt my stairs and walkway in hopes of avoiding a slip and slide effect. Of course, me being me, I was wearing flip flops and no coat while prepping for the wintry mix. 

Make New Friends But Keep the Old, Revisited.

Last January I wrote a post with the same title, and it was mostly focused on my own quest to make new friends in my new(ish) environment.

Revisiting the topic today was inspired by an old friend, who actually was mentioned in that old post. 

I met her a little over a decade ago, when we were both working together. We got to be close friends pretty quickly, and of the best variety - the kind you can call up and make spontaneous dinner plans with, go on fun girls' weekend trips with and even crash with for a few weeks when your lease on one apartment ends before the lease on the new place begins. She moved up to the Maryland suburbs of DC and not long after that I ended up across the river in Northern Virginia. It wasn't the same as when we worked in the same building and lived a few miles a part, but it was much better than the distance we had when I was still in Richmond.

Her family recently made another move, across the bay to the Eastern Shore. Now she's definitely too far for spontaneous plans and slightly too far dinner plans, but still close enough for an easy day trip or an overnight visit, which is what this weekend entails. As she and her family have been settling in, the message to make new friends, but keep the old, has been one she's shared frequently with her daughter, and also been thinking about for herself.

It's tricky when your circle of closest friends develops with a lot of help from geography. Especially when a move takes place. Life is so hectic these days it's hard enough to make time to see the friends who are close by, in your neighborhood or your town. The further away they get, the less you are able to get together. It's a fact of life, and new friends in a new place is important.

But so is keeping up with those old ones. This afternoon was a great opportunity for that to happen. Several of us made the trek across the Bay Bridge today for a girls day out. I was the oldest of the old friends, in both age and longevity. The other two were women my friend met when she first made the move to Maryland and today was the first time the four of us hung out as a group.

We headed out to a winery, and had high hopes of following that with some antiquing, but the wine kept us busy far longer than anticipated. It was such a fun afternoon, filled with lots of laughing and lots of learning - a bit about wine, but mostly gossip about the town and it's residents and the life story of the proprietor of the winery. We certainly left knowing way more about him than necessary, but, he makes pretty good wine and gave us a good recommendation for dinner in the next town over, so we'll forgive the oversharing.

It was such a nice day. Nice for me to hang out with some new people and do something a bit different and really nice for my friend to have the people important to her come spend some time on her new turf, relaxing and having fun.

Tweeple

I've been on twitter quite awhile now. 

I think I started my first account sometime in the Summer of '08. I'd go back and check the origin date, but... I deleted that account around the Fall of '09. Then there was another account, started in the Winter of '09 and a final one, in the Fall of '10. 

The reason the first one ended up being deleted was because it became a big, messy mix of work and life.  And.... I decided that was too much. I like twitter as a place to find out news and info and share info, but I also like to be able to vent. Put my frustrations 'on paper' and be able to get them out of my head. In a completely non-confrontational way. 

The solution was two accounts - one my full name, the other a locked account with no connection to my name at all. And now, two years later I feel like I'm getting what I need out of that handy little social media tool. In fact, I've gotten more than I ever expected. 

The unexpected benefit of Twitter, one I never saw coming when I first started out there, is the friendships I've made. Who would have thought that 140 characters at a time could bring people into my life that could end up meaning so much to me? 

I can't really explain how it happened, how in the whole wide Twitterverse I stumbled onto my own little slice and then built some really solid friendships. Friends I turn to for the silly and the serious, friends I've had great adventures with and hope to have many more with in the future. Friends to talk football with, friends to talk books with, friends to provide comfort when I'm feeling down and who celebrate with me when things are great. 

So my dear tweeps, and you know who you are, I heart you. And I appreciate you and what you bring to my life each day. 

Surprise Surprise

Today was a hectic Monday. 

My team at work was doing our strategic planning for 2013 and while it was only on the calendar for 3 hours I had a strong feeling it would go longer. 

Today was also the local business association's holiday meeting/luncheon/awards presentation and my friend who coordinates the neighborhood music festival was being honored. I'm on the planning committee and the association wanted to have the whole committee there when she was presented with her award. Of course the luncheon was starting just as my work meeting was supposed to end. 

I said I'd do my best, but honestly didn't have high hopes of making it to the luncheon. 

As the meeting was in process I realized my odds of getting out on time were diminishing so I emailed and texted a few friends to let them know. I got responses back like "no rush, it will be networking for awhile, just get here as soon as you can" and one asking if I'd say a few words about the honoree and really, really, it would be great if I could attend. 

Then about 20 minutes later I got a text from the honoree, telling me "Hey dude, you really NEED to come :)"

First thought: she's being nice, wanting me to enjoy the fun lunch and skip out on work. 

Second thought: maybe the whole planning committee is being honored and she doesn't want me to miss it. 

Never, ever did my mind go to the actual reason I NEEDED to be there. She wasn't the honoree.

I was.

Apparently the business association gives an award to a citizen volunteer each December and this year they selected me.  

Maybe had I known the award existed I would have been suspicious, but I was pretty much clueless right up until they said they had to trick the honoree to get her there. 

I am so lucky that when I moved to this area nearly four years ago I ended up where I did. I live in a great neighborhood, with so many wonderful events and an incredible business community that is responsible for many of them and their support integral in the success of others. When I think about my volunteer commitments I'd say I help out more than most but certainly not as much as many. 

Having my time and efforts noticed and appreciated really is awesome. It certainly made my day!

Friendship

I spent this weekend with so many of my friends.

Friday night was dinner with the work bestie and her husband and munchkin and then Saturday I hit the road to spend the rest of the weekend visiting friends out of town. I shopped. I went to dinner at my favorite restaurant. I played with adorable kiddos. All with some of my friends who know me best. I watched the Redskins beat the Ravens in the company of the friend who turned me into a Skins fan about a decade ago. I had a traffic free drive home (amazing!) and was here for 10 minutes when the phone rang. It was yet another of my closest friends, who happened to be in my neighborhood and wanted to know if I wanted to come meet her and her daughter for hot chocolate.

It was really the busiest weekend I've had in ages and filled with so many people who are important to me.

Then I got home and started going through the mail and found my first holiday card of the season. From an old friend. Someone who used to rank pretty high on that list of people who are important to me.

Until he dropped me.

Completely disappeared from my life.No phone calls or emails returned, not even an acknowledgement when he heard my dad passed away this fall. His wife on the other hand is still quite friendly. She'll comment on my Facebook updates, wishes me a happy birthday, and I'm guessing is the one that added me to their card list.

It's something I guess. But in this case I'd much rather have nothing.

I'm ok with casual friends drifting in and out of my life. But I have a really hard time losing the people who once held such a huge role in my life, who helped me grow up and be the person I am today. I hate letting go of those people. I hate it even more when I don't know why it happened. And even more yet when it's not an entirely clean break. When a reminder of the friendship lost shows up in my mailbox.

I know I can't really 'fix'that situation. And I try really hard not to let it bother me. And after this weekend, I'm trying really hard to focus on all of those wonderful friends who are still in my life!

The quest for friends part II

Back in January I wrote about a book I was super excited about - MWF Seeking BFF. I read it and immediately related to the author and just loved her book. Tonight I fell in love with it again when I went to her reading in DC.

In case you didn't read my earlier post, the book is a memoir from a woman who moves to a new city and settles into a quest to make new friends, something that is quite a challenge as an adult. The author, Rachel Bertsche, read from her book and then answered questions from the predominantly female audience. The women ran the gamut of ages but the head nods and laughs where pretty universal as Rachel shared her struggles and her story.

Trying to make friends is awkward. There are no real words in our vocabulary that can be used to explain the process of a building a friendship the way there are for romantic relationships. You feel silly saying you want to make new friends.

I'm not really saying anything different than I did back in January when I wrote about this book, but after seeing that room full of people responding to the stories tonight, and hearing from the author directly I just had to give it another plug.

Have any of you read it? Are you intrigued and plan to read it?

(hint: If you answered no to #1 then I hope you said yes to #2!)

Skewed Perspective

When you live inside the beltway you have a tendency to end up with a skewed perspective on celebrities.

Sure, all of the mainstream celebs, from actors to singers to models still count, but if you live in DC and have any remote level of political awareness then you end up adding Congressmen, Senators, key Administration officials and political pundits and correspondents to that list.

Most American's wouldn't notice if they were waiting in a line for sushi behind Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor, but when that happened to a friend of mine it sparked a flurry of excited texts most would reserve for a similar experience with The Boss or The Biebs, depending on your demographics.

I've well documented my disappointment in not having a first family sighting, but that doesn't mean I haven't had any [political] celeb sightings in DC.

My first was when I was at a neighborhood coffee shop shortly after I moved to the area. My job had more of a political bent to it at the time so I was spending more time watching the pundits and keeping up with political news. As I spent a lazy Saturday morning sitting on the patio of the coffee shop enjoying breakfast and a book I noticed the man at the next table was the Washington Post political columnist and frequent cable news commentator Chris Cizilla, aka "The Fix". Now this wasn't a sighting that was worth running straight to my FB page over, but it was still kinda cool. Mostly that I recognized him because to me it signaled that I was starting to fit in to the world of politics.

My next political celeb sighting was at a work event, a reception being held in the Capitol building. Yeah, I kinda agree it doesn't count when you are actually in their work place, but I'm counting it anyway. I was serving a a greeter, directing our attendees up to our event and as I was standing, looking off in one direction someone bumped into me from behind. I turned to look as I heard him apologize and realized it was Senator John Kerry, a much higher profile celeb sighting and, as a former presidential candidate, someone whose recognizability is likely pretty high even outside of DC!

He's also the whole reason this topic is on my mind this morning. I'm in Boston this weekend, actually visiting the friend who had the close encounter with Justice Sotomayor, and her apartment is across the street from John Kerry's house. We were walking back on Thursday night and she pointed out his house as well as   other important residences and aspects of the neighborhood.

Well, yesterday morning as I was walking out the front door of her building to head out for a day of playing tourist who do I see stepping out of his car, but Senator Kerry. And I'll admit, I immediately went for my phone and fired off a few texts to friends about my celeb sighting. Luckily, my friends are big dorks like me because I got responses like "Exciting!" and "How Fun!"

Just another example of how living inside the beltway can really mess with your mind!

Missing a friend

At the beginning of my sophomore year in college I struck up quite an unexpected friendship.

It started in a class, when I turned to the senior sitting next to me and commented, "I heard you were feeling artistic this weekend."

My roommate was dating one of his fraternity brothers and she came back from a party at their house and reported that this guy had taken to spray painting some of their walls on Saturday night, just... because.

I certainly knew who he was before that class. He had a larger than life personality and was known by everyone on the campus. He had no clue who I was, other than the girl who sat next to him three mornings a week for a few weeks at that point.

Somehow that simple sentence during a lull before class began one Monday morning opened the door to a strong friendship. We started studying and working on projects for the class together. I received an open invitation to parties at his fraternity house, as he was confused why I wasn't there to witness his artistic endeavors with my roommate. Coincidence threw us together for an admissions recruiting event in his hometown, and then because we had so much fun, we volunteered to do another together a few weeks later in Northern Virginia.

Looking back I'd say it was during those two road trips that I got to know the real him. The performance personality that people saw most of the time was evident during our presentation, but the person behind the persona was who I got to talk to during our drives to and from campus. It's also where several absolutely pointless inside jokes began that still come back to me every single time I drive that stretch of I-95.

By the end of the semester we were talking or spending time together daily, but I still saw it as connected to our class. When it ended, I figured the friendship would end.

I was wrong.

We stayed close that spring, taking a few more road trips together, spending lots of time with our fairly large group of mutual friends, getting to know each other's families and just becoming pretty integral parts of each other's lives.

He graduated that spring and I thought our friendship would end once he left campus.

I was wrong.

Over the next few years our friendship grew stronger and he truly became my best friend. He didn't always get me, the whole Men are from Mars, Women from Venus thing I suppose, but he really tried, and wanted to know what was going on, support me when I needed it and vice versa. And during that time, there was lots of need for that support. Graduating from college and starting a grown up life, serious illness among family members, death of grandparents - we shared all of those things together and were there for each other.

I couldn't fathom that there'd be time when we wouldn't be in each other's lives.

I was wrong.

About a year after I graduated from college we started to drift apart. Our friendship became pretty unbalanced and for a while, I told him I didn't want to be in his life anymore. That lasted a few years (and one absolutely ridiculous 'hiding behind a poll in a shopping center to avoid running into him' moment. What can I say, I panicked and just didn't want to deal). And then, out of the blue, we started talking again.

That became the pattern (though without the drama) over the past decade we'd been in touch on and off. Each time we'd end up back in each others lives it would feel exactly the same - the banter would pick up in the same place, we'd catch up on each others families, reminisce over old times, find out what the other was up to and be in touch for a few months and then... time would go by again.

He still popped into my head often - a song or a place or a line from a movie would trigger a funny memory. He was no longer part of my daily life, but I knew without a doubt, if I needed him, he would have been there for me. That I was still important to him as he was to me, and that not being in touch at the moment was just a temporary thing.

I was wrong.

Last April I got a shocking phone call, that he died. It was somewhat sudden, medical complications from a prior surgery. He had been sick, but seemed to be improving. And then, he was gone.

I still think about him all of the time. And because we hadn't talked recently, it almost doesn't seem real still. I forget sometimes that I can't just pick up the phone or send an email and bring him back into my life.

I know things were never going to be the way they were in college. Life gets in the way. Those inseparable friendships from your early 20s just don't work the same way when you're in your mid-30s.

But I also know, how much it sucks to lose that sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, it could have been that way again.

If only I were a brave girl...

Tomorrow night there's an event downtown that sounds like fun. But, I don't have anyone to go with.

I wish I were that person who could just go alone and meet people there. It would be a good way to work on my goal of making new friends but...

that's really really hard to do.

I've tried in the past - with something actually along the same lines. It was the Young Adult group from the Jewish Federation. I went on a Birthright Israel trip years ago and when I got back I was motivated to get involved in the Jewish community. I met with someone that worked for them, got the info and fully intended to go to their happy hour event in my neighborhood. Like so fully intended to go that I drove there, parked my car and could not make myself get out to go in.

I'm ok going to a restaurant on my own, or even to a movie (daytime only, not night time) but that's so different than going to a social event where you have to interact with others.

Any tips on how I can become that brave girl in the next 24 hours?

Make New Friends, But Keep the Old

Today marks the three year anniversary of my move inside the beltway.

Making this move was a BIG deal for me. I had considered moving here after college, I even spent a month of my senior year interning a few blocks from the White House. But in the end, I knew the timing wasn't right. I stayed in the metro area where I went to college, moving 15 miles from the suburban campus into the heart of the city.

A big part of the appeal for staying was because I had friends there. Lots of them. And it was so easy to make new friends then - friends from my new job, friends that I met through other friends. People I could call at the last minute and say "hey, what are you doing for dinner?" Weekend buddies as my friend Sarah called them - the friends you'd end up spending your entire weekend hanging out with whether you knew it going into the weekend or not.

Fast forward eight years and I felt like it was time for a change. A great new job opportunity presented itself in the DC area, timed perfectly with the conclusion of my master's program.

So I moved. And I started to meet some great new people, and slooowly started to make friends in the area. I've reconnected with some friends from high school and college and who live around here, made some great friends at work and a few in my neighborhood. One of my best friends relocated to this area a few months before I did which is great, but she's just far enough away, and traffic is just so very bad, that spontaneous plans can't happen and the only time we're weekend buddies an overnight stay and advanced planning is involved.

Things on the friendship front aren't awful when I sit down and really think about it. I'm a homebody, loner by nature, so it's not like I want to be out doing things every night of the week. But, it's also not the same. I want local friends who are the 'call just to say hi, wanna go for a walk or grab dinner after work' kinda friends.

I've talked to a few friends about this, especially ones who have also relocated and could relate, but in general it seems kinda whiny and pathetic as an adult to be complaining that you are having trouble making friends.

So imagine my excitement when I came across a book about my exact plight! I saw MWF Seeking BFF: My Year Long Search for a New Best Friend featured on Good Reads as a 'soon to be released' title back in mid-December. And I'll admit, I basically started stalking the book. I read reviews, pre-ordered a copy for my Nook and eagerly awaited December 20 when I could start reading it. I also sent a copy to my former work bestie who relocated to a new city last spring (and is a MWF, so it was even more perfect for her!).

And let me tell you, it totally lived up to my expectations. Author Rachel Bertsche does such a good job of putting into words the feelings a late 20/early 30something has about finding friends, especially as a transplant to a new city.

After reading the book I'm inspired to make new friends. No, I won't be going on 52 friend dates like the she did, but I'm going to take advantage of new friend opportunities and not just kick myself after they pass me by. I'm going to be more proactive and try to make this new life feel more like the one I left. I want to be able to make the drive south on 95 to visit my friends without tearing up on the return trip over what I've just left behind. (Crying about the traffic I'm in getting back would still be acceptable.)

I hereby declare 2012 the year of making new friends.

Wish me luck!